Dust in the Wind

I sometimes drift in thought during my days. Daydream. Reflect. Streams of consciousness. Memories come flooding in from dark and dusty corners of my mind. With each of them comes a feeling, a mood, a smell, a taste. I am there again, it brings back the feelings of isolation that play off the feelings of freedom that the isolation allows, yet I realize I am lonely also. I like the power the isolation gives me to do what I want to do, but I want to share it with someone and often there is no one to share it with. I learn as I grow up to entertain myself within worlds I create in my mind. I am my own best friend, yet I yearn for much more. Here I am 50 years later, and the melancholy is still here, permeating everything in my life - my work, my friendships, my lovers. Even in the midst of happiness, I always look over my shoulder as if I'm being chased by catastrophe. Life is hard, my Irish grandmother always said. Many of us fool ourselves otherwise, but I think my Grandma had it right. That's why despite my seemingly 'doom and gloom' attitude, I actually treasure the precious moments I get in life more than most do. At the same time I treasure them, I realize they are slipping away. Solomon said it - all we are is dust in the wind...


My Health at a Glance

  • Post endoscopic sinus surgery (Dr. Tsen in Fargo)
  • Post Tonsillectomy
  • Post gall bladder removal surgery
  • Post kidney stone removal
Conditions diagnosed with:
  • Interstitial Cystitis (IC)
  • Raynaud’s Phenomenon
  • Sjögren's syndrome
  • Hypertension
  • Hypothyroidism
History of:
  • Chronic bladder & kidney infections
  • Chronic sinus infections
  • Irregular periods
  • Periodic Amennorrhea
  • Chronic anemia
  • Constipation (sometimes impacted, sometimes small hard balls, sometimes thick, dark, and tar-like)
  • Deep tissue pain
  • Numbness of toes/ball of foot
  • Periodic Plantar Fascitis
  • Hear arrhythmia
  • Anxiety
  • Atenanol (Hypertension & heart arrhythmia)
  • Elmiron (IC)
  • Evoxac (Sjögren's)
  • Restasis (Sjögren's/eyes) (Dr. Scheel in Fargo)
  • Levothyroxin (Hypothyroidism)
  • Generic Flonaise (Periodic Rhinitis)
  • Prevident (Sjögren's/dental)
  • Premarin (Peri-menopausal vaginal dryness//thinning tissue)
  • Nexium (GERD)
  • Paxil (Anxiety)