Dust in the Wind

I sometimes drift in thought during my days. Daydream. Reflect. Streams of consciousness. Memories come flooding in from dark and dusty corners of my mind. With each of them comes a feeling, a mood, a smell, a taste. I am there again, it brings back the feelings of isolation that play off the feelings of freedom that the isolation allows, yet I realize I am lonely also. I like the power the isolation gives me to do what I want to do, but I want to share it with someone and often there is no one to share it with. I learn as I grow up to entertain myself within worlds I create in my mind. I am my own best friend, yet I yearn for much more. Here I am 50 years later, and the melancholy is still here, permeating everything in my life - my work, my friendships, my lovers. Even in the midst of happiness, I always look over my shoulder as if I'm being chased by catastrophe. Life is hard, my Irish grandmother always said. Many of us fool ourselves otherwise, but I think my Grandma had it right. That's why despite my seemingly 'doom and gloom' attitude, I actually treasure the precious moments I get in life more than most do. At the same time I treasure them, I realize they are slipping away. Solomon said it - all we are is dust in the wind...

My Health at a Glance

Procedures:

• Post endoscopic sinus surgery (Dr. Tsen in Fargo)
• Post Tonsillectomy
• Post gall bladder removal surgery
• Post kidney stone removal

Conditions diagnosed with:

• Interstitial Cystitis (IC)
• Raynaud’s Phenomenon
• Sjögren's syndrome
• Hypertension
• Hypothyroidism

History of:

• Chronic bladder & kidney infections
• Chronic sinus infections
• Irregular periods
• Periodic Amennorrhea

• Chronic anemia
• Constipation (sometimes impacted, sometimes small hard balls, sometimes thick, dark, and tar-like)
• Deep tissue pain
• Numbness of toes/ball of foot
• Periodic Plantar Fascitis
• Hear arrhythmia
• Anxiety

Medications:

• Atenanol (Hypertension & heart arrhythmia)
• Elmiron (IC)
• Evoxac (Sjögren's)
• Restasis (Sjögren's/eyes) (Dr. Scheel in Fargo)
• Levothyroxin (Hypothyroidism)
• Generic Flonaise (Periodic Rhinitis)
• Prevident (Sjögren's/dental)
• Premarin (Peri-menopausal vaginal dryness//thinning tissue)
• Nexium (GERD)
• Paxil (Anxiety)